The Power Of Solitude

Hey, why that boy is always alone...? Is he kind of a lonely freak?

After an incident I encountered at the University when I was still in Vietnam, I sought my way out to heal my soul, to find myself again.

That’s why I have chosen to travel alone.

I once used to depend on my friends a lot: In my group friends back then in High school, I always the one who initiated the hangout, in hope that I would have someone to talk to, to have fun with. And when no one had spare time to go out, I would get upset, stating that I would never be friend with them again, only to call for yet another ‘café day’ a week later. My span of sulkiness just lasted for a week, as I needed them so that I didn’t feel alone.

But after that incident, I needed some time to process it, to look back at myself, to spend time with myself, to get to know more about myself, and thus come to love him more. And suddenly, I came to love with the thought of being alone,…

and here are the reasons why.

You Can Do Whatever You Want

This is also the reason why I have made a 11-day trip alone in Vietnam.

I can do whatever the fuck I want. That’s the whole point of being alone. I can travel with my own pace, I can eat what I like, stop at a place for hours just because I like it. If I wake up and don’t feel like going to a place, I will cancel it. I don’t need to please and compensate with anyone. I don’t have to make a poll to find a suitable time-block that suits everyone. I like it? I do it.

Will I ever be bored, will I feel lonely?

There is a big difference, I mean, a gigantic difference between being alone and lonely. Lonely, by definition, is when you feel sad due to lack of social interaction. But even though you’re surrounded by your loved ones, you may still be lonely. Being alone, in contrast, doesn’t imply any emotions. It’s just you being with yourself — it can be fun, it can be bored, it can be sad. For me, it’s exciting and wonderful — At the time when I was travelling alone, I knew what I loved, so I did it.

When I get back to normal daily life, I have so many hobbies, so many personal projects that I want to dive in. How can I be boring? In fact, don’t be scared of boredom. Sometimes boredom is good for reflection, but if you look back, you will find that you have so many goals, passions, and hobbies to get bored. This is the best time to get started with your personal projects and ultimately get hooked into it.

During my last 3 months in Vietnam, when all my friends were busy with University work and I was free the whole day, here is what I had done during this time:

• Achieve B2 German

• Draw, and create an art account

• Challenge myself with a new language (I learnt Chinese, then French, then Spanish, and eventually stuck with Spanish because I love it the most :D)

• Read, read and read

• Learn Copywriting and Marketing

• Travel

• Make this blog

  …

Loneliness expresses the pain of being alone

while

Solitude expresses the glory of being alone

It’s Time To Recharge

After a long and tiresome Uni days, I left my bags at home, took out my notebook and my headphones, and went out, hopped on a tram to the hiking park, which blissfully just 10 minutes away from my flat.

This, is my healing place, my sanctuary, my heaven, where I find peace in my mind.

A river streaming by, leaves rustling, birds chirping, flowers blooming, the sun shining, and most of all, no humans.

Here, is where I sit down, admiring the landscape, taking a deep breath, and jotting down my thoughts on my notebook (following Shultz hour) — you dedicate an hour each week to sit down with zero distraction, with only a notebook and a pen, and jot down every thoughts in your mind and reflect on it.

On some days, I will sit there in solitude for several hours, and go home with a refreshing mind and happier than ever, and ready for the upcoming week.

Sounds boring, but is it?

For me, no.

It’s not that I don’t like human interaction, that I prefer to lock myself away from the outside world. I don’t mean that. Meeting up with friends is still my regular preferable activity after studying. I still love talking with them, sharing ideas, or doing homework together with my hommies.

But it’s just that, my ‘social battery’ has a limited capacity, and after a while, I need to recharge it (just like a phone). And in order to do so, I need Me-time.

A time only for myself, to confront my thoughts, to reflect or just to sit down and let my stream of thoughts flows through my head.

We, amid the social interaction, have been compensating too much, that sometimes we have to hide part of what we think just to fit in the group. However, Me-time provides a complete safe place that your mind can speak out whatever it wants, whatever it truly thinks. And that, is how we can find our true self and nurture it again.

The School of Life: An Emotional Education | de Botton, Alain

Shultz Hour

Here’s the method I have been using to reflect on myself, and it’s the method from George Shultz, an assistant of the USA in the 1980s. Each week, he would carve out an hour for deep reflection. It’s called after his name — Shultz Hour

1. Pick a time-block. For each person, it would be different of which you think is the first day of each week. If it for you is Monday, then choose Sunday for reflection, if it for you is Sunday, then choose Saturday.

2. When this time comes, turn off every distraction (I mean, your phone, your computer, everything!), find a quiet spot that you like — a spot in your room, or a quiet place in the park. Bring with you a pen and a pad of notes.

3. Write down a list of things that’s now in your head

   • Let me make this clear: It’s like meditation, but instead of preventing from thinking, welcome the thoughts, and when those thoughts come, write them down.

     

     Write as much as possible, till you don’t have more newer thoughts

4. Close the loop of each thought — Why do you have this thought, What’s the next step for this thought.

   • For example: I write down I want to learn French, because I like the sound of the language. But now I have dedicated my time for Spanish and German, so maybe after my Spanish is on B2, I will learn French. Now put it into my ‘might-do’ list.

5. Reflect on the last week. What have you done well, what you want to change, what is the highlight of the week, what’s the lesson of the week? What have been your moods lately (upset, sad, joyful, energetic…)? Do you want to keep this mood, or do you want to change it? Write down as many things about the last week as detailed and as much as posible.

6. Create intention for the next week. What’s your main goal for the next week? What do you want to do? What mood do you want to have? Write all of them down.

7. During the rest of the time, I will just take a deep breath in, and out, and admire the view in front of my eyes.

I have been doing this for a couple of weeks, and it has yielded me valuable insight of what I’ve been doing and a mindful intention for my upcoming week: When I feel like I don’t know what to do next, I will revise my goal, and start doing things that are relevant to that goal.

Being in solitude has gained me power, the power to give see things more clear, and to love myself for who I really am, not through the perspective of anyone but myself. And in fact, after writing all of this, I suddenly realise how much I love my few last weeks that I was still in Vietnam — I can do whatever I want, at my own pace, at my own command — I own my calendar. Now I’m studying, so there’s a fixed time schedule for it, and also my new friends from the University. Of course, I love it — it’s fantastic to have friends to hang out with and be wild at the party once in a while. I still enjoy my student life, as well as maintaining my personal time for myself, and only myself.

Solitude is creativity's best friend, and solitude is refreshment for our souls.